LONGLEGS

Longlegs (2024)

Written & Directed by: Osgood Perkins

Intriguing trailer. Thought-provoking poster.

R-16 without cuts. Positive reviews.

Interesting movie title.

What could go wrong?

Well… Everything.

The movie is as hideous as the Philippine poster. What you felt while watching the trailer is the summary of the whole movie. It only makes you curious on what the story is all about.

But after watching, that curiosity leads to disappointment. The R-16 could mean Rated Sweet Sixteen, because the only thing that’s scary here is the musical scoring.

For 1 hour and a half, you try to follow the bland journey of a detective with no build-up of any tension or excitement. The cases shown are not gripping. Then for the last 10 minutes, all the plottwists are singlehandedly revealed—explaining everything in an instant. The ending is not worth the wait. 

None of the characters are worth rooting for.

Maika Monroe’s poker face didn’t do any trick. Other than being a disappointing copycat of 𝘑𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘳, the character of Nicolas Cage can join the 𝘙𝘶𝘗𝘢𝘶𝘭’𝘴 𝘋𝘳𝘢𝘨 𝘙𝘢𝘤𝘦 anyday. Shantay or Sashay? Alicia Witt feels like she’s inside a Florence and the Machine music video. Blair Underwood’s presence was barely felt. The role of Kiernan Shipka looks like 𝘚𝘢𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢 on a bad day. Some actors appear shortly just to get killed. You won’t be able to sympathize with any of them.

There’s a serial killer on the loose, but you couldn’t care less on what he does next. Everybody in this movie can die and no one would worry.

The film’s treatment doesn’t help to make anything or anyone look interesting. The shots are more relaxing than terrifying, failing to establish an eerie atmosphere. It only gives consistent boredom and the laziness to tell the story.

The film tries to be quiet all throughout, so you can think loudly. However, that quietness seems like a lame excuse for them not to dive deeply into their chosen topic. The whole story turns out to be paper-thin.

After leaving the movie theater, nothing will haunt you but your time and money wasted. Instead of Longlegs, this movie should be entitled Long Patience because you badly need it.

For 1 hour and 41 minutes, brace yourself for the shittiest and lamest horror movie of the year.

LONGLEGS

Rating: -1/5

Cast: Maika Monroe, Nicolas Cage, Alicia Witt, Blair Underwood, Kiernan Shipka

Presented by: C2 Motion Picture Group, Traffic, Range, Oddfellows, Saturn Films

Distributed by: NEON, Black Bear International

Release Date: July 10, 2024 in Philippine cinemas nationwide

A Movie Review by: Goldwin Reviews

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